We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
