It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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