I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
