two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i love accidental penises.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
