By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
