I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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