I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
