whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
