its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
