How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
