Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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