sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
