i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
