see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
