I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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