I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
