He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Quick, to the slutcave!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
