cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
