I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You work out of a Hotel?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
