I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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