you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
