We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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