Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
