Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
