Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
