I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
