Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
