dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
