oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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