Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
