New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
