oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
