Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
