i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
