They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
