you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
