I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
