But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
