piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
