it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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