hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
