There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
