you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
