WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
