Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My balls are so social today.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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