I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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