We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
