you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
someone owes me an orgasm
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
