If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
