When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
