Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
