Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
