I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
