why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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