She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
